
(click on photo for label fun)
So Olivia had her first all-day midget league cheer expo on Saturday. I have to admit, I dreaded it. I am really NOT a cheer mommy. I have never been a cheerleader in my life, nor did I ever want to be. I tried out for cheerleading once — only for moral support for a friend who wanted to try out. I didn’t even try to make the team. I have never felt so “fish out of water” in my life … until now.
Being a cheer mom comes close. When I am around the other cheer mommies, I feel like I’m in some kind of weird undercover sting operation or something. They yell commands to their little cheer babies and fight with coaches. (Yes, fight — my husband, a football coach, had to intervene when two cheer mommies tried to throw down with Olivia’s cheer coach over her not being tough enough on the girls. The cheerleaders in question are six years old, by the way.) Their whole lives focus on making their children into these perfect little cheerleaders — not on the kid’s fun, or the kid’s learning, but on winning. It’s the same thing for football and other sports that kids participate in. It’s all a sport — competitive parenting. And I’m so not into that.
I’ve been able to avoid much of the cheer mama drama thus far, and actually dreaded the cheer expo on Saturday — not as much for the 6 hours of cheering kids in a school gymnasium as for the snotty cheer mommies who make the whole thing unbearable. Luckily, no fights at the expo, this time. And I actually had a great time hanging out with Olivia’s coach, who is a good friend of mine. But I did feel strangely out of place among other cheer mommies.
For one, I don’t own a Vera Bradley bag. And I don’t have a Posh Spice hairdo, or straight hair to the middle of my back — the only two haircuts approved by the National Cheer Mom Association. I wore team colors, as recommended, but made the mistake of wearing a volleyball tee, and felt really out of place because every Mom wore a tee emblazoned with their child’s face and a motto like, “You fill my ♥ with CHEER!” I also didn’t wear any flair — no ribbons with my daughter’s name on it, or huge buttons with her cheer photo.
I also discovered that my daughter’s name is too ordinary. I thought Olivia was a pretty stylish name, but most of the other cheerleaders have very exotic-sounding names. My favorites were Mysteria, Tesla (who can, apparently, change the weather,) Taffyee (pronounced “Taffy”), and Ihla (how do you even pronounce that?) I should have at least spelled her name in an unusual way to make it more unique. Maybe O’lyvya. Yeah, that’s cool.
Lunch was interesting. You would think, with all the designer-jean-wearing ubermoms that one could find a veggie burger at lunch. Or at least a salad. But no dice. Lunch was hot dogs, chips, doughnuts, candy, and pop. I ate a hot dog and drank the bottled water I brought from home, and got ridiculed when I wouldn’t let my daughter have chips AND a huge doughnut the size of a mousepad (I’m not exaggerating… it probably had a whole day’s worth of calories, and then some!) When I mentioned that my doctor recommended that I lose some weight to keep my blood pressure down, one Cheer Mama told me she would “kick my doctor’s ass if he told me to lose weight” — right before excusing herself to go outside and smoke her fifth cigarette in a 2-hour period.
But the expo, itself, was a lot of fun. Olivia had a blast. They had some cool team-building exercises in which girls from different squads had to work together to solve a problem. Liv also learned some tumbling and dance and learned how to safely get hoisted to the ceiling by her teammates and do spirit fingers. She had a blast, and so it was all good. I think this experience taught me that, despite those who would have it differently, team sports are really about the kids who participate in them. As long as the kids have fun and gain something, it’s worth it. There will always be parents who want to make it all about themselves, and will attempt to ruin it for everyone — and sometimes succeed. But as long as my kids enjoy the sport, I will do so, as well (and secretly hope they play the violin next year, instead.*)
*Kidding. **
** not really.